HOSPITAL DIARY APRIL 2013 TO WHENEVER
24 Hours into my third hospital stay in seven months. 17th April, 2013.
Had a CT of my lower spine to investigate further the calcification showing on my spine and to determine whether my tendons have started to calcify. Get the results tomorrow. If they can't do tendon release I've asked the doctors to kill me. But since humans don't get the same respect as animals who are humanely put out of their suffering I will join thousand upon thousands rotting in a home left to slowly die in agony. Sam will not be able to keep me at home bedridden. AND I don't want to live the next 40 years of my life with this never ending suffering, immobility and imprisonment. Not that I'll live anywhere near another 40 with my current deterioration. But Sam believes even with calcification my situation is operable (I wish I could share his same optimism but I just can't), it is just a case of finding surgeons with courage, confidence and who know what they are doing. But lets jump that hurdle if and when...apparently.
Sam brought up my iPad to help me from going insane after stressing out over the constant bombardment of doctors' questions that I could not answer and who would not phone Sam when I asked them.
After my pressure sore healed I was given the ultimatum of leaving hospital with Sam or be sent to the Blue Mountains for several months until the stalling public doctors would arrange a tendon release to prevent further pressure sores due to the worsening twist in my hip. Up at the Mountains there are no appropriate facilities or enough staff to care for my complex needs as I spent four weeks there several months ago and know exactly what would be awaiting me. I'd be bed ridden mostly and Sam would not be able to visit due to his exhaustion and degenerative spinal disease being irritated by long travel. The relevant doctors didn't care. Nor did they care that Sam was bringing me home already exhausted trying to care for my leg problems. Though they could have done the surgery while I was already in hospital nothing was going to get them to help me and Sam.
After my pressure sore healed I was given the ultimatum of leaving hospital with Sam or be sent to the Blue Mountains for several months until the stalling public doctors would arrange a tendon release to prevent further pressure sores due to the worsening twist in my hip. Up at the Mountains there are no appropriate facilities or enough staff to care for my complex needs as I spent four weeks there several months ago and know exactly what would be awaiting me. I'd be bed ridden mostly and Sam would not be able to visit due to his exhaustion and degenerative spinal disease being irritated by long travel. The relevant doctors didn't care. Nor did they care that Sam was bringing me home already exhausted trying to care for my leg problems. Though they could have done the surgery while I was already in hospital nothing was going to get them to help me and Sam.
So Sam took me home and has 'inappropriate' care support. The authorities insisted he took the help though they agreed with him it wouldn't help much. But to send me home without it would be a bad reflection of the hospital and the whole 'care' system State wide. Must look as thought the system is working and caring for the disabled and their carers and that the 'packages' are so helpful. Yes, some carers and disabled are being helped by the packages but my needs are so complex nothing short of someone moving in would help and the authorities agreed but also agreed that that was not going to happen.
Again, I am so depressed over all this. I just want a bloody lethal injection and have my miserable life over with. If I had the above knee amputation recommended by a world leading orthopaedic surgeon I'd not need anyone coming into our home. Help that someone who really needed it could access. There are always complaints that there is not enough help for the carers and disabled! I wonder why. Give appropriate help and support and some of the resources could be freed up for others.
No comments:
Post a Comment